How long can you survive this torture ?

Some days ago I had a call … no not from God, but from Mugambo, the ruler of Domugiri. You might not know him, but he is the cruelest ruler ever born. He uses the most inhumane ways of torturing people. Some of them include drilling holes into a person’s body, roasting someone alive, driving nails through him (not her, he had other means of torturing ‘her’s) and other unthinkable cruelties. He had been a little disturbed by his own deeds and called me up and asked me to come up with some less inhumane ways of torture. I thought and thought but I could not think of any ‘humane’ ways of torturing people. I switched on my TV set, surfed through the channels and … and I got an idea to torture people in a less cruel way.

What did I think of ? (I know you do not want to know, but still read on)

me : Hail Mugambo
Mugambo : Ha, You, So you thought of something.
me: It is very simple. Just make your victims watch TV all day long.
Mugambo : WHAT
me : first make them watch the 24 hr news channels which discuss everything from Dhoni’s hairstyle and Salman’s clothing or rather lack of it .
Mugambo: How will it work ?
me: Hey, you will see the same thing on all channels , a few also bring in experts to discuss the above matters of concern. and you know what … you will also have Mahesh Bhatt as an all-knowing expert …
Mbo : Ha I know this Bhatt, he is the one who borrowed my foreign movie DVD collection and has not yet returned it.
me : Oh that could be the other Bhatt… or maybe he is the same one …. oh whatever. Just stop interrupting me.
Mbo : What if my prisoners survive this ?
me : Just change the channel. Make them watch Kyunki ghaas bhi kabhi ghu thi or other serials of the K kind.
Mbo: K kind ???
me : Just switch to any channel which shows over dressed, crying people …
Mbo : The ones where they show the same scenes thrice, the last one being the close up shot of the actor/actress involved.
me : Yes.
Mbo : Why do they do that ?
me: So that the audience can appreciate the costumes and the make-up of the artists.
Mbo : hmm
Mbo : Will these serials last long?
me : Yes , real long, and they have the same thing running on some or the other channel, some channels show it all day long.
Mbo : Mugambo khush hua Ha Ha Ha
me: stop stop please stop
Mbo(rather sheepishly): oh sorry, but what if my prisoners survive this too.
me : No they wont.
Mbo : No what if they do.
me : Hmmm you can make them watch those tele shopping ads, especially the dubbed ones, trust me they will definitely work.
Mbo : Hmmm (in a I-am-not-so-happy-with-this tone)
me : Or you could make them listen to Him, Hold on.
I switch on my TV and surf to a music channel, I do not remember which but all music channels show Him.
me : (taking the phone closer to the TV) listen to this.
Mbo : No stop please stop.
I switch off the TV, I too can not take it anymore.
me : so how was that ?
Mbo : good … great .Thank you my trusted friend, Thank you.
me: It is alright …
Mbo : HA HA HA HA Mugambo khush hua HA HA HA HA
me : stop Please stop stop (I bang my receiver down).

A few days back I saw Mugambo clad in a burkha. I wondered why he was in disguise. I went to him and asked him the reason for his unusual attire.

Mbo : THIS IS ALL DUE TO YOU.
me : me !!!
Mbo : My prisoners just could not take the tortures that you prescribed, they escaped from my capture and are now baying for my blood. Oh no here they come.
Before I could reply to him, he ran.

I never saw Mugambo again. I guess his ex-victims must have captured him. They must be making him go through the same things that I suggested or maybe …maybe they make him read my blog. Oh whatever.